I’m tired of kisses.
Somehow in my parenthood journey, I’ve gotten all wrapped up in what’s best and what’s no good and how to communicate with my children and how to help them interact appropriately toward their peers, and I think I’ve forgotten what may, perhaps, be the most important part of childhood: having fun. I have to remind myself to play with my kids. I need to remind myself more often, and give up on the things I “should” be doing with them and what’s best for brain development, and just PLAY.
The giggles that ensue when I just roll around on the floor with my toddler are music to my ears. Seeing my baby’s glowing smile when I cover her with kisses melts my heart. So, why don’t I do these things more often? I get wrapped up in “I don’t know how to play” instead of just getting on the floor and doing it.
I think this is an instance of “leap and the net will appear”. I better get hoppin’.
My work week consists of “Mom” Monday through Wednesday, then “Mom/salesperson at a cloth diaper store” for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. This Monday coming up, I’m heading to unconference in Stony Point, NY, and while I’ve thought of a few things I need to pack and prepare for our family of four to survive 3 days/2 nights away from home, I have yet to pack anything. And it’s stressing me out! Tomorrow morning, I’m babysitting. Saturday morning, I’m working. Sunday morning, we’re going to two different church services. Then Monday morning we’re leaving. I guess that means I’ll be spending Saturday afternoon and Sunday afternoon frantically packing, grocery shopping, and generally running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Despite all that, I’m really excited! Looking forward to meeting new people, reestablishing my connection with God, and doing some forward-thinking about church and how to be church. I’m also hopeful that we’ll come away with a sense of whether we should stick it out through this [incredibly] rough patch with our church, or find something new. Lots on the horizon, and I am ready! (Though still not packed.)
Being a mom is hard work, for sure. But knowing that you’ve caused your kids pain - intentionally or otherwise - is really freaking awful. My 6 month old has a painful, nasty infection on her neck, and I take 100% of the blame for it. I should have kept it cleaner and dryer. I should have taken her to the doctor sooner (both times). I should have followed my instincts to call the doctor (and should have kept calling when they didn’t answer). Now, when she screams in the car because the seat belt straps hurt her neck, all I can do is apologize and promise to do better. But, I know that doesn’t help anything now. I feel helpless, and I can’t imagine the pain that she feels. If only I’d been better, she wouldn’t have to go through this, and I feel awful.
I went to a mommy meetup tonight full of likeminded (read: hippy) mamas, and it just felt so right. Although we strive to feed our family healthy food, I didn’t feel out of place joking that I eat Oreos for lunch some days. Even though I know that many of them wouldn’t touch an Oreo given the chance, I didn’t feel the need to put on airs around them. I like having friends. And I am so lucky to have found this particular group.
For some reason, today I have an extremely short fuse. Fortunately, it’s naptime for my older daughter and my younger one is playing happily by herself. I would be so SO happy if they would both nap at the same time so that mama can get a rest. The good news is that the door replacement guy is coming by 90 minutes early, so maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to do something productive today. Time will tell.
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
Getting ready for my kindergarten’s Fall Festival, wearing a sweater with apples embroidered on it, and losing my first tooth. My grandmother was there, too.
Don’t you hate it when you leave a meeting or a conversation and think of all the things you should have said? Today, that feeling is in high gear. And I hope that the ramifications of the meeting outcome are not as catastrophic as I fear they will be. NPR was onto something when they suggested that those who attend church have higher blood pressure than those who don’t.